The Unique Challenges Of High-Functioning Couples In Couple Counseling
Marriage and couple therapy enjoys a high success rate for couples who want to improve their relationships, and New York City has some of the most intelligent, talented and high-performing people in the world. They also bring to relationship counseling unique challenges and struggles. Successful individuals tend to be independent, highly-focused and self-sufficient. These individuals are accustomed to handling their problems on their own and require a high degree of autonomy. They are also not immune to struggling with anxiety, depression and relationship problems. Sometimes their lives look ideal from the outside, and yet they struggle greatly. You may be tempted to idealize the successful couples that you know, imagining that they have it all figured out. I can tell you that as an experienced New York City couple therapist, the high-functioning couples that I encounter have their own unique challenges that bring them to couple counseling. Mostly, these couples grapple with navigating conflicts, balancing individual with couple needs, communication issues and maintaining intimacy. Of course there are other challenges that successful high-functioning couples face, so let’s have a closer look.
Difficulty prioritizing quality time together
NYC couple therapists know that because New Yorkers tend to be over-scheduled with work and family demands, a common complaint is the lack of quality shared time. The demands of successful individuals include ambitious career aspirations that leave little time for relationship nurturance. Between work commitments and child rearing, couples can feel overwhelmed and disconnected. A focus in couple therapy is helping partners develop more effective prioritization and time management skills. We all know the importance of scheduling regular date nights, but this is a “must” to maintain connection. Many busy couples have a practice of scheduling short getaways so they can continue to create shared experiences that nurture the relationship.
Communication Difficulties
Successful high achievers typically have strong personalities, and this quality can sometimes lead to differences in communication styles which impact the relationship. High achieving couples regularly disagree when it comes to making decisions and shared goals. In couples counseling, partners can learn active listening as well as developing empathy as they work towards the greater goal of conflict resolution. These couples are encouraged to create a safe space to communicate needs and desires which can lead to enhanced empathy and a deeper level of understanding self and the other.
Imbalance of Power Dynamics
All relationships have some degree of power dynamics at play, and the experience of equality in the relationship can shift depending on circumstances. As the name suggests, power imbalance in relationships happens when the control and power between partners is unequally distributed, leaving one member of the partnership feeling vulnerable, unfairly or poorly treated. Relationship power dynamics are defined by the roles and ways emotional behaviors impact the relationship—and this dynamic can change. When we consider an ideal healthy relationship power dynamic, we think of a couple with different strengths and weaknesses working together in a successful partnership, and this includes mutual respect and valuing the other and their unique contributions. When power imbalances occur, a partner may feel that the other has more emotional, financial or social leverage or influence which can lead to feelings of powerlessness, loss of autonomy and agency and eventually resentment.
Imbalance of Responsibilities
Highly-successful couples struggle to balance responsibilities. When one member of the partnership works long hours or travels, the other partner can feel over-burdened and overwhelmed with family and household duties. Learning to communicate openly and honestly about the imbalance of tasks and responsibilities can lead to a more equitable marital or coupled experience. Sharing responsibilities and delegating tasks can lead to the experience of both partners contributing equitably to work and home.
Loss of Shared Goals and experiences
All that drive to succeed can lead to disconnect and isolation especially if couples do not continue to nurture their partnership and each other. Successful couples prioritize their commitment to exploring and maintaining a sense of shared goals and aspirations. If they become detached from shared goals and meaning, the focus on personal achievement can lead partners to abandon their once strong relationship and focus on their own achievement needs. Effective couple therapy can help partners remember shared values and even add to their mutual dreams. This process can strengthen the union and add meaning in the relationship
Neglecting Self-Care
Therapists realize that it gets old hearing about the importance of self-care, but it’s necessary! High-functioning individuals regularly neglect their self-care needs. Busy, successful couples frequently struggle with extreme stress, overwhelm, burnout and even unfortunate health consequences—all issues that negatively impact the marriage and relationship. Eventually something must give, and these stressed couples learn that they simply must prioritize self-care and boundary setting. Re-exploring activities and hobbies within and outside the relationship can lead to a more balanced and fulfilled relationship.
Successful, high-achieving couples can have lives that look effortless, however when it comes to relationships, they have their stuggles. Marriage and couple counseling can help address issues such as power dynamics, balance, communication, self-care and shared goals by gently reminding partners what is needed to create and maintain harmonious relationships. Many of the same strengths that high-achieving individuals bring to professional success can also be applied to relationships. I always remind my couples that sturdy, successful relationships require teamwork. And when problems arise, disagreements happen, but in the end, what matters most is the recovery!
Looking for seasoned experienced relationship therapy in NYC after years of relationship suffering? What follows are some other common challenges that can be resolved with expert couple therapy?
Improve your communication skills. Learn to communicate like a pro
Identify repetitive conflict styles that occur in the here and now but may have more to do with the there and then
identify and understand dysfunctional patterns that are disruptive and cause emotional and relational distress
Move forward and really heal your relationship after an emotional affair or any kind of betrayal
Build trust and support for jealousy and insecurity no matter the source
Increase your sense of safety in the relationship which will give you a solid foundation
Address controlling behaviors or narcissistic tendencies that interfere with your relationship distress
Repair a relationship and move forward or split amicably
About Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness Manhattan
Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York State licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Practitioner and Couple Therapist with a private practice in New York City, Montana and virtually. As a wellness psychotherapist and holistic consultant, she has receive advanced, extensive training in Trauma Therapy, Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Somatic Experiencing (SE), and Nutrition & Integrative Medicine For Mental Health. She is passionate about honoring the exquisite interplay of the mind-body connection. Kimberly Seelbrede specializes in anxiety & mood disorders, trauma and women’s mental health. She brings over 20 years of counseling, coaching, and healing experience to her holistic practice and transformational work.
In addition to online therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship struggles, Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness offers a wide variety of online services to fit the needs of busy professionals. New Yorkers often lead fast-paced and complex lives, which makes work-life balance and managing career, family and social obligations a challenge. Psychotherapy and wellness practices provides the support to help clients cultivate resources, resilience and enhanced emotional health, as well as uncover conflicts and obstacles that may interfere with having the life they desire.